No family always has peace or is perfect. But if the house blessing is constantly crooked and all you can do is shout instead of talking, something has to happen. Here are the top tips on how to bury the hatchet with your parents!
Talk to your parents
At least that’s what you think when you get older and it suddenly pops regularly. A bit of fights is also okay. If everything was always great at home, we would all be living with mum and dad until we were 40. But joking aside: Most of the time, bickering goes beyond the occasional moaning. Before slamming doors and verbal abuse become the norm and a conversation without shouting is no longer possible, you should get active. Because there are many ways to do something for the house blessing!
Always talk about yourself
The golden rule of conflict communication: Be sure to formulate I-messages. “You are totally unjust!” guarantees defensive reactions. “I feel unfairly treated by you!” it sounds very different.
Put yourself in their shoes
Before you yell at your parents that they “never let you do anything great” and that others can “always do a lot more,” change your perspective. If you were your parents – would you really let your child party until the morning during the weekday? Probably not.
Make them offers and compromises
Better than a straight “Nope!” is always a counter-proposal. If your mom asks you to empty the dishwasher, you can just say “No!” shout and thus start the next argument. But you can also say: “I’ll talk on the phone for 10 minutes, then I’ll take care of it.” It sounds more forgiving.
Make clear agreements
Sit down, talk about what bothers you and what needs to change. Then you formulate concrete measures and make firm agreements. For example, “help more around the house” is far too vague. “Fetch the trash can out on the street on Mondays” and “put the dishwasher in after the meal” are clearer. A matter of honour: what makes you stand out will also be respected.
Only promise what you can keep
In the end, empty promises only cause more trouble. If you offer something to your parents or negotiate something with them, make sure you can keep your promises. Practicing 5 hours for the next math work is realistic – but from now on always writing twos in math is not.
Only swear without swear words
When you’re furious, it can get ugly. It is important that everyone is aware that even among family members, one cannot behave like the ax in the forest. Swear words are clearly taboo – and taking it out on your mother in a bad mood is of course not okay either. If it does happen, at least an apology is due.
Appeal to their memories—and work on yourself
Your parents were young once too. They must have done a lot of nonsense too. Reminding them nicely can ease the situation. Maybe you can even laugh together at one or the other story. Of course, that’s not a free ticket for you. Relationships aren’t a one-way street: if you want your parents to loosen up, you need to work on yourself too!